Homer's Epiphany
by truegangster
Summary: Homer, troubled by previous love affairs, sets off on a quest to find his true enlightenment. He is struck by common problems on his journey, but he pushes on wards, gaining inspiration from the loved ones he regrettably abandoned.


**Homer's Epithany. By gangster**

**ACT 1: SECRET FETISHES**

Doughnut: *doughnut noises*

I've grown out of you dougnuts!

Now i eat crisps!

Doughnut: *glad noises*

Oh! Who am I kidding!

I can;t cheat on you doughnuts!

Doughnut: *scared doughnut noises*

I cant ditch my delicious, frosted babies!

After all, it is my secret fetish.

Doughnut: *LOUDER SCARED NOISES*

I want to put my penis through the hole

Doughnut: *quiter noises*

but ive never had the chance

Marge would certainly disapprove

Doughnut: *suggestive doughnut noises*

Well what the hell! Now's my chance! Get your hole ready doughnut, you're getting super penetrated by my 12 inch cock!

whips out gigantic larger than life horse cock

This baby is my pride and joy!

Doughnut: *is still just a doughnut*

40 years of constant masturbation has brought this beauty to its ridiculous (almost obnoxious) size!

And guess what,

It's still growing!

Doughnut: *excited doughnut noises*

I've measured the daily amount,

it's an AMAZING 1mm a day!

It's definetly gone up!

Doughnut, i'm putting it iiin!

-inserts giant dick into donut

Doughnut: *SCREAMING DOUGHNUT NOISES*

-thrusts viciously, tearing the poor thing apart

Doughnut: *CONFLICTIED DOUGHNUT NOISES*

-ejaculates approx. 42l or semen

Oh man! My new shoes have got dirty!

This fucking stinks, oh my god!

Oh Marrrrge~ I'm ready for you!

Let's make a new Maggie!

But I hope it's a Bart!

Girls drool ! Boys rule !

Now, I think we need to talk about our relationship

Doughnut: *confused doughnut noises*

As you probably know, I have a wife. And she is beautiful.

I don't think she'll take well to me two-timing.

So I need to decided whether to carry on fucking you and divorce my wife, or we can go seperate ways..

Doughnut: *UPSET DOUGHNUT NOISES*

Doughnut, help me out.. Talk to me.

I need you to help me make this decision.

Doughnut: *Doughnut noises of reason*

Doughnut, I'll phone Marge. I should fess up before this gets any worse.

-phones marge's phone

Marge, I've been fucking the dougnut.

I know it's cheating, and I just wanted to tell you before this got too serious.

I think this is probably the best option.

Now Marge, me and Doughnut have been talking about being together.

We love eachother.

And I mean love in it's purest form.

Doughnut: *agreeing noises*

To be honest Marge, I think our love as died as we've aged..

It's just not the same anymore as when we were just kids..

I wan't to know what you think Marge.

I wan't you to be okay with this.

To understand.

Doughnut: *smug doughnut noises*

It's okay? Thank you so much Marge.

Even if my heart is wandering, I'll always love you.

Don't ever forget that Marge.

Doughnut: *SASSY DOUGHNUT NOISES*

Goodbye Marge, forever.

-hangs up

Doughnut: *glad doughnut noises*

Doughnut, I broke up with my wife.

But i'm still not completely unsure whether it was the correct decision.

Doughnut: *doughnut believes it is*

Prove it to me Doughnut.

I wan't to feel young again.

Doughnut: *doughnut gets down on one doughnutty knee*

And i've entrusted all the love I have in you.

PM: -crushes the doughnut in her hand... so its an unhappy ending-

Doughnut: *SCREAMING DOUGHNUT NOISES*

DOUGHNUT!

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

THE ONE THING I HAD LEFT IN MY LIFE

THE ONE THING LEFT I LOVED

Doughnut: *DYING DOUGHNUT NOISES*

YOU CRUSHED IT IN YOUR BARE HANDS

LIKE SOME SORT OF ANIMAL.

PM: -Wipes the doughnut on your shirt-

MY EVERYTHING IS NOW NOTHING BUT A STAIN

YET ANOTHER STAIN ON MY WHITE SHIRT

A STAIN OF MY WOES AND MY PAIN

Doughnut: *doughnut whispers* i-i'm actually...a...a bagel..

I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO LIVE FOR

PM: (oh god!|

W-what..?

Y-y-y-you're a b-bagel..?

Doughnut: *dead noises*

H-how could it be a bagel.

HOW.

WHY

EVERYTHING WAS A LIE

EVERYTHING IS JUST A MERE ILLUSION

Doughnut: *sorry doughnut noises*

IT NEVER WAS REAL,

Doughnut: *dying doughnut noises*

-lenny walks in

-he looks down at the floor, noticing the mess of crushed bagel and semen

-lenny walks out.

**ACT 2: "WELCOME BACK HOMEY"**

-Homer walks into his home, humiliated by his earlier phone call

-Marge is in the kitchen, washing the dishes left over from the childen's meal time

-Her makeup is dripping down to her chin, she has been crying.

-In the living room a noose is dangling down from the roo

-the children blissfully ignore it, enjoying their favourite Itchy and Scratchy Show!

-Is Marge planning to kill herself? Would she do it infront of her children?

-Homer notices and screams loudly. He realises how stupid he was for choosing a "doughnut" over his beautiful wife.

-He sees how it crushed his loving, tender Marge.

-How she is completely dependent on his love, how without it she is but a shell of a human

-Homer feels tears of sorrow and regret build up in his eyes

-He feels like the worst.

-A devil.

-How could he betray his wife

-She loved him

-But how can she forgive him

-Homer leaves the way he came, leaving only the wet patches on the carpet

-his tears

-Homer walks away

-Each step he feels the weight of his disgusting actions

-But he continues

-He doesn't have anywhere to go, but he doesnt stop walking

-pinchypinch's homer-

HORUSS: 8=D *Massively bones*

-The walking soon becomes too much for Homer.

-He passes out on a street in Washington

Where am I?!

-Homer looks around the room. It is clean, and modern. There is a beautiful view of the city

-The busy streets,

-the Cars

-And Krispy Kreme

-Immediately, he looks away

-He can't even bring his self to look at a doughnut shop

-The burden on his heart is unbearable

-He can only clench his teeth and hold back the unimaginable pain

-Homer hears a creak

anonymous's connection timed out. Please don't quit straight away; they could be back.

-The door opens, revealing a tall man dressed in a long black trench coat

-"Good morning. I noticed you've awoken." He says politely

Where am I?!

-"You are in the White House, We took you in when you passed out on the street. We plan to use you for certain.. Duties."

-"Ah! We will get to that."

-Homer steps out of the bed. He looks in the mirror and sees that he has been undressed

-He looks at this humongous horse cock and notices a green flashing light in his urethra

-Suddenly the brightness gets more intense

-Homer is confused

-A green beam of light and heat explodes from Homers flaccid penis

-The beam breaks through the wall, revealing the bright sun outside

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BEAUTY

YOU MONSTERS!

-Homer sees the tag around his ankle.

-They were trying to keep him

-Homer shoots a quick lazer at the tag, vaporizing it in an instance

NOBODY CAN HOLD ME

NOT YOU GOVERMENT, NOT A DOUGHNUT, NO ONE!

-Homer jumps out of the hole he made previously

-Homer jumps through the hole in the wall he made previously.

-As he falls his 12" cock flies up, clipping a child's toy helicopter,

-Smashing it into a million pieces

-The child is confused and scared. he cries

-Homer can't stand kids crying. He shoots a bolt from his penis, melting half of the child's face

-Homer's next laser bolt is aimed for the child's mother, who is standing beside her son idly texting on her Blackberry

-He aims for her stomache, with the hope that the laser will pierce her uterus, killing her unborn baby

-Before he's given the chance to shoot, a police officer tackles him,

-Homer misses his shot, and instead shoots at the white house.

-The president gets scared and thinks it's some sort of terrorist attack.

-He immediately calls his security to deal with the problem

-Homer is not happy and fires a laser into the police officers skull

-The cops brains fall out from the bottom of his jaw, leaving a bloody mess on the pavement

-Homer aims his now fully erect penis at the security guards running towards him.

FULL POWER. ACTIVATE AAAAAAAAAAURRGHH!

-A blindingly bright flash of light explodes from Homer's bulging cock

-The White House is now but ashes.

-Everyone is dead

-Looking beyond the White house, Homer sees that there is a rather big gap of land where America used to be.

-He sees that there is a gap in the ocean, leading him directly to Europe.

-He tucks his penis inbetween his legs, preparing for the long voyage ahead.

-And with an angry stare, he walks on.

**ACT 3: FRANCAIS**

-It's been a fortnight, and Homer finally arrives at his destination.

-Europe. The scummiest place on the entire planet

-As soon as he steps afoot the new foreign land, he sees a man point at him.

-He looks like an idiot.

-The man's curly moustache and beret seem to scream 'Douchebag!'

-"You should put some clothes on! We do not want to see that!" He says smugly

-Incredibly agrivated by the man's obnoxious accent, Homer lines up his penis.

People like you deserve to burn in the depths of hell.

-The laser makes a perfect circle where the man's genitalia used to be

That's what you get!

-"But I just wanted to enforce some rules!"

-"Here in France we don't like public nudity!"

France?! That explains everything!

I'm sorry sir! I simply thought you were just a dumbass!

I guess i'll be off then!

Cheerio!

-Cheerios..

-The cereal with a hole

-What else looks like a cheerio and has a hole..

-A doughnut.

-Homer remembers doughnuts, and his wife, and all he's lost.

-In a rage Homer loses all control/

-His penis flails about like a fish out of water, shooting lasers left and right.

-A woman pushing a pram, A jogger, somebody running a crepe stall,

-They all die as quick as they were created

-The power of the beams intensify, buildings, walls

-All turned back into dust

-A green light surrounds Homer as he screams

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MARGEEEE!

-Homer rises into the air

-He leaves France behind with a small gift

-A single laser with the power to wipe out 2 cities

-As he flies away, the shockwave races him to his next target.

-England

-As he lands a large audience surround his naked body.

-Taking pictures, recording videos

BACK THE FUCK OFF YOU STUPID BRITS.

-Homer's shout echoes throughout the streets

-Everyone reacts instantly

-They give Homer the space he required

Where have I landed?

-Homer's question is simple, but these idiots don't seem to be smart enough to understand.

-They carry on muttering to themselves and taking pictures, as if i'm just a statue.

-Homer is enraged.

-He points his flaccid penis up to the sky, a gasp is heard from the croud

-10 lasers are fired into the clouds. The crowd is confused

-Quickly the gasps turn to screams of horror and shock.

-The crowd breaks apart as one of the bolts crashes into the earth, leaving a 2m deep hole and the ashes of 50 dead people.

-As the people rn

-run,the bolts seem to chase them

-Each bolt murdering more than a typical serial killer

-Homer walks through whatever remains of the screaming crowd.

-A young girl and boy are cuddled together on the floor, shivering

-They are splatted with the blood of their parents, who lay beside them, left as only bones.

-Homer kneels down infront of the children

You two remind me of when I had kids!

What are your names?

-The boy, still shivering, looks up at Homer "M-my name is T-tim, sir" He says, quivering in absolute terror.

What a cute little name! How about your sister?

-The little girl, who appears to be the youngest, cries. She tries to talk but her voice is muted by the shivers

-Her brother knudges her side, "c,mon.. say your name.." her murmurs.

-But the girl only cries

Oh.

How rude.

-Homer grabs the girl by her neck, suspending her 4" above the ground

-The girl is screaming is horror.

Now it looks like you want to make some noise.

Such a shame it's too late.

-Homer grims sadistically.

-He crushes the girls puny head between his hands. The mush of her brain drips down onto her brothers lap.

-He is frozen with shock

-The girls beheaded body falls out of Homer's hands, landing infront of her brother.

-The boy can't comprehend what has just happened.

-He is silent, and unmoving

Sorry I had to do that boyo!

But if your sister is going to be such a RUDE BITCH, she kinda had it coming! Ha-ha!

-As he walks down the road, he hears the boy's ear piercing scream.

How annoying.

-Homer turns around, shooting a dick laser into the center of the boy's forehead.

How unfortunate.

**ACT 4: THE POLICE**

-Turning around the corner, A flock of police cars and vans drive towards Homer.

-The cars all pull over.

-Dozens of armed police officers jump out from the cars and vans.

-They fire at will.

-As does Homer

-Before anyone has a chance to hit Homer, the cars and vans are on fire.

-A laser penetrated each one of their petrol tanks

-The explosion from 20 cars all exploding together knocks homer off his feet

-On the floor, a laugh slips out from Homer's mouth

HahahahHahahaHAHAHAHA.

Ha...ha..

-The laughter soon subsides, leaving sobbing.

...What have I become.

I'm a disgusting monster.

How am I anything but a mass murderer.

All I have done is wrong.

But I can't make it good

This planet lacks forgiveness

Without forgiveness I will always be a murderer

How do I make people understand forgiveness?

That's it!

Religion!

I'll go back to Springfield!

I can work alongside reverend lovejoy!

I will show the world true, utter forgiveness!

Wrong will be righted!

I shall be a good man again! I can re-marry marge!

Yes! This is the answer!

-With that, Homer passed out.

Waking up in the same spot, he sees yet another crowd surrounding him.

-Taking the calmer approach, Homer simply gets up and leaves.

I need to get to an airport. Take the next flight to Springfield.

-He walks up to the first person he sees on the street

Hi! I'm Homer. Do you know where the nearest airport is?

-The person talks in a strange and incomprehensible dialouge.

-Homer notices the person has slanted eyes

Are your eyes ok?

-The person carries on talking jibberish "Ching chong ching? Ching chong chong ching!"

I can help you with your eyes! Do not spend money on plastic surgery!

-Homer digs his fingers into the corners of each of the person's eye sockets

-He pulls yanks downwards, hoping to fix the slant

-The person is screaming and flailing. They appear to be in pain.

-Not paying attention, Homer accidentally tears the lower eye lid. The rip goes down to the person's mouth.

-Underneath the skin is meat.

-It reminds Homer of the burgers he used to enjoy back home.

-Unable to control his self his teeth latch onto the ladies cheek

-The meat red meat tastes as good as he imagined

-He rips it off and swallows.

-The lady lies on the floor holding the hole Homer made in her face.

-Blood squirts through the gaps in her finger, dirtying her white clothes.

Oh no!

I lost control of my hunger!

I better go before this gets out of hand again!

Homer runs away.

**ACT 5: BACK HOME**

-Homer finally made it.

-He took the flight to Springfield

-As he looks down on his beautiful town, he feels calmer

-His angry thoughts turn to sweet

-Homer approaches his old church

Unicorn!Horuss changed the conversation topic to "homer why".

-Inside Reverend Lovejoy is praying

-The old reverend sees Homer's figure enter through the large doorway.

-Homer is shrouded in light. He looks angelic.

-Reverend Lovejoy stands up from his kneeling position, facing Homer.

-"Welcome back to Springfield, Homer. What on Earth brings you here?" He says gruffly

I wan't to teach people the beauty of forgiveness.

-Homer bellows it to the reverend. He puts whatever is left of his broken heart into it."

-He is suprised by Homer's obvious dedication

-"Step inside Homer." Say the Reverend

-Homer walks up the aisle, each step creaking loudly. This decrepit church could do with a fix-up.

-Eventually Homer and Reverend Lovejoy are standing. Facing one another. Their eyes locked.

-Reverend Lovejoy places his hands on the back of Homer's head.

Unicorn!Horuss's connection timed out. Please don't quit straight away; they could be back.

-Gently, he put homer's head into the holy water

-The church was silent throughout.

-This was a time of god.

-This was the time Homer realised who he was.

-His goals, his point in life.

-"You are now one of God's people.

-" Reverend Lovejoy said

-With that, Homer left.

-He did not utter a single world.

-word

**ACT 6: FINALE**

-It's been 6 months.

-Homer is a new man.

-He spends his time travelling America giving speeches to those who have yet to discover the magic of The Lord

-He is returning to Springfield after one of his tours.

-As he walks through the streets where he grew up, the bar where he drank, he feels something he has never truly felt before,

-Happy

He walks down his old road.

-He passes the Flanders household.

-It's now owned by a new couple..

-Flanders passed away earlier that year.

-Homer feels almost regretful that he never showed Flanders his love and admiration that he always felt.

-He stands outside his house.

-His finger rests on the doorbell

-He pushes it.

-"ding dong!

-The door swings open with a creak

-Lisa is standing there.

-Homer sees the fear in her eyes.

-She looks unhealthy

-"D-dad?" She mutters quietly.

Lisa?! What happened?!

-"Dad.. Where did you go. Where have you been? We needed you dad."

Tell me Lisa.

-"After Mom died.. Me and Bart were all alone. We didn't have food. We lived off the rotting meat on Mom's body.."

-"Bart died from disease after only 2 months. It's just me."

-"But I don't think I have much time left."

-"I think I have to let go. I think I must let go."

-"Goodbye.. Dad."

-With those words, Homer grabbed Lisa.

-Looking at his daughters face, it was clear.

-She was dead.

-Homer placed Lisa's body on his beloved couch.

-With tears running down his eyes, Homer walked into the kitchen.

-The table was stained heavily with blood.

-There was Marge's dead body ontop.

-Half of it had been devoured.

-It was crawling with insects

-Unable to control his feelings, Homer walks away.

-The entire house is a mess. There is feces flooding every corner of the house.

-The carpet is mouldy and wet.

-Opening the door to Bart's room,the smell hits Homer hard.

-Gagging slightly, Homer peeks around the door.

-Bart's rotting corpse lies ontop of his bed covers. The body is almost unrecognisable due to how much it's decomposed

-Some sort of liquid has soaked the carpet, blocking Homer's path.

-Homer leaves the room.

-With his emotions on the edge, Homer enters his own room.

-His and Marge's room.

-The room is untouched.

-It's almost as if it has been frozen in time

-Homer sits on the bed.

-The only thing left in his life

-The only tie to the past

-He lies down

-Homer yelps in agony. All of his life has fallen apart.

-Nothing can fix him

-He has been broken

-All the religion wasn't real

-It was simply a release

-It all mean't nothing

-Homer realises his bads will never be good

-Any hope will not be worth his time

-Any happiness will soon be crushed by the heavy weight of reality

-You can't run from reality.

-Reality is like a dog biting at his ankles

-Nothing is real

-Nothing you can imagine is real

-Homer realises it

-He sees it all

-He experiences knowledge

-Everything is seen

-The secrets of this universe are all unveiled

-infront of homers eyes

-Light is all homer can see

-He figured it out

-the puzzle

-Homer is knowledge

-Homer is light

-Homer is truth

-Homer is reality

-Homer is all.

_**The End**_


End file.
